Candy, Kids and Other Things That Make You Sick



Mommy...I don't feel good!

OKAY,  before you start with the hate mail...stop. I am NOT bashing all kids. Heck, I have one of my own. And yes, kids add an immeasurable amount of joy and satisfaction to our lives. I simply love and adore my daughter to pieces. But, here's the catch:  kids almost always come tethered to an enormous germ pool that immediately pollutes an otherwise semi-sanitary environment.

Enter preschool: the undisputed breeding ground of all things contagious, and the root, I'm convinced, of the common cold, the flu, scarlet fever and polio. It's probably what went wrong with Tiny Tim. They don't tell you that when you drop your kid off in the morning, that you should send a bottle of Lysol, a box of antibacterial wipes, an antibiotic and a surgical mask. To hell with crayons; they are pawns of the devil. Have you seen how many kids slob, spit, sneeze, and even lick a crayon, then stick their chubby hands in their pants before grabbing the yellow? Hmmm..thanks, but I'll pass.

But, fret not my dear friends, joy does come in the morning. Or, as I like to say, in those adolescent years when our kids can truly add to our lives. Let's see. There's trash and snow removal, lawn care, dinner prep, remote control retrieval, car washing,  mopping, sweeping, and a range of household chores. Hear me now, those tasks in no way chip away at the mountain of cash you'll lay out for their mere existence, but it's a start. So, even though I know that the chocolate will, by sheer osmosis, go from my hand directly to my thighs, I deserve it. WE, as parents, deserve a sugar-laden reprieve from the daunting task of changing disgusting diapers and rubbing cream on rashes, and Vick's on chests, and for staying up at night with cranky, germ-infested sick children all over the world.

I downed a block of chocolate, a handful of Skittles and a small troth of Twizzlers while writing this:-). A cocktail makes a great chaser, might I add. Try it for yourself and let me know how it goes.